Friday, February 14, 2014

The "I Can't Make This Shit Up" Desk Just BLEW UP!

I have just encountered the G.G. Allin of sidewalk evangelism, whilst waiting for the Number One bus by the UT mall.

Some frumpy woman walked into the middle of the mall area, bearing a sign reading, " You DESERVE Hell." She shouted at the UT student population all manner of terms of endearment. Like
"whores," "whore mongers," "baby murderers," etc.

I tried to tune out the strident cow by playing "Anarchy In The UK" as loud as my phone could bear, when G.G. reincarnated before my eyes as a Christian performance artist.

A skinny young man appeared next to the lady, peeled off his shirt, and revealed a torso full of hideous home-made tattoos. Then he pulled a full-on Lucha Libre wrestling mask over his head and produced a whip. And began beating himself.

Yep, full-on self-flagellation, great ribbons of blood pouring from his wounds. When he felt his back was punished enough, he started turning his chest into hamburger with his whip.

Then G.G. began brandishing the Dr. Seuss book, The Lorax, at us. Who knows what sinful intent the good Dr. had in these nutcases' eyes.

When G.G. tired of The Lorax, he began dusting himself in talcum powder.

I've no idea how many shows per day these lunatics perform, but hopefully, they'll be here for the next week. Don't forget to tip these kids - they have a helluva act.


  1. so you've met your opening band?

    1. Yes. This act, and I'll call the number on the sign I saw, advertising a gorilla playing saxophone for your next party.

  2. This is far out! Daily life in dystopia, haha!